Inktober: FLOWING - 10/10/18

My knees pressed into the soft, damp earth, the first sprinkling of a light rain just beginning to fall. I moved my diaphragm with careful deliberate pushes, trying to keep my breathing steady. But as I laid the small bouquet upon the ground, I found it harder and harder to hold back. I gently placed one hand on the smooth stone top, lip quivering.

"Hey, buddy," I squeaked. My throat was resisting, but I knew the words had to be said. "It's been a while."

I couldn't quite read the name anymore as my eyes flooded, the name I never wanted to see here.

I coughed, trying to open my airway. "I miss you...it's today again," I said feebly, as if it was something important. "Everyone's doing well," I continued, trying to clear my mind. "Things are...crazy, like always. But we're getting by."

I crossed my legs, turning to look at the sky. The sun was beginning to set, the clouds just starting to turn pink. "I wish you were here to see the sky. I...I wish..." My throat clamped shut as a tear ran down my cheek. "I wish you could have seen the sky," I choked.

It was too much. The tears started flowing as I wept, shaking beside the tiny grave. All the thoughts, all the years that never came, they all pounded against my mind, reminding of what could never be. And how there was nothing I ever could have done.

"Why?" I whispered to the sky. "Why did you have to take him?"

I'd never even met him, but I loved him with all my heart. I laid my face in my hands as they filled with water.

"Just...promise me you'll keep him safe up there."

When I opened my eyes, a single ray of dying light poked through the growing storm, illuminating my brother's name in shimmering gold. My breath stopped for a moment as I took in the scene.

I threw my arms around the stone and sobbed. Everything was going to be okay in the end.